Phan - Mental Case. [4]

    3 weeks. 3 weeks he had been in there for. He was sure they had meant to put him in there for this time, until he had a breakdown on the 2nd week. Edward wasn't there, it was the pain of Phil's absence that caused it. The jacket was gone on the 2nd week meaning he was free to wander around the room. He usually chose to sit in the corner of the room, either that or lie on the bed looking at the camera above it, hoping that Phil was on the other side. Sometimes if he looked hard enough then he pictured him, sitting there behind the table, looking back at him. Dan didn't smile at the camera though, he would just look. Other times he would feel Phil's emotions. He was still confused as to how he would know how other people were feeling. Whenever he felt Phil, he would feel sadness. That was the only time Dan knew he was sitting there looking back at him. On the day of his breakdown, he was sitting in his corner looking at the camera from the corner of his eyes. It was strange, he had never been able to feel Phil's sadness this strongly before. Then he realized it was because Phil was standing right outside the cell's door. The food came through seconds later with a note. Dan ate every three days, it had been three days so he started crawling to get the food. Only, when he reached it, he could feel Phil's sadness more than he ever had, he came to realize eventually that Phil was sitting directly outside the door. Knowing he wouldn't reply if Dan said anything, he took the tray of food and sat back in the corner. As always he opened the note first but what was on it he didn't expect.

i miss you a lot. i miss you so much it hurts.
you've been in there for 2 weeks today by the way.
chris, mike, roberto and julia are being unusually sad. they aren't themselves.
i see you staring at the camera, i wish you'd do something instead of just look.
you always seem to look when i'm taking watch on you though.
do you know i'm there or something?
please get better soon.
i love you.
Phil.

Dan's eyes widened reading the letter. He had expected something along the lines of eat the food Dan since Phil had noticed he only ate every 3 days. For the first time, Dan felt himself break inside. He let himself sob loudly, he knew Phil had heard him because he could feel him hurting outside, but he didn't quieten. He cried and let himself fall to the floor. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt his head hit the padded floor, still crying loudly, then came the occasional screaming. He missed Phil. He wanted him to come in and hold him. He missed him so much he started pulling his own hair. He was sure he had spent about 10 minutes like that when he started trying to hurt himself. He spent about 10 minutes experimenting when he finally decided on scramming himself with his teeth and finger nails. He made the cuts in his arms go quite deep with his teeth. He watched as the blood came out, his own blood. He did it for a solid 20 minutes on both arms when he heard a key frantically being turned in the lock of the door. He carried on crying and making the cuts deeper though. The door flung open and Dr.Ross and Phil walked in. He wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not so he carried on scratching himself.
"Daniel stop that." Dr.Ross said firmly but he kept on at it. A few seconds later he was being held to the floor by Phil.
"Get off me! Please get off me!" he shouted tears still running down his face. The urge to keep hurting himself spread through his body. He was fighting worse than he had the day he tried to jump; he could feel Phil struggling to keep him down. Then he felt the usual hand on his head making sure it was still. He tried to move his head but it really was being held firmly to the floor.
"Stay still, you're only making this worse for yourself." Dr.Ross said kindly but he carried on fighting. Eventually she realized he wasn't going to stop and pressed the needle into his neck. It took longer than usual for him to still, but he did. His eyes still open lazily as he felt himself being held by a crying Phil.
"Please don't ever do that to yourself again Dan." Phil whispered, the tears freely falling from his eyes as he ran his hand through Dan's ebony hair.
"I missed you." Dan slurred through the anesthetic. It was true, he had self harmed because he missed Phil too much.
"You'll just have more restrictions now idiot." was Phil's reply as he placed his head on top of Dan's. "Go to sleep."
"No." Dan said stubbornly although his mind was begging him to go to sleep. Dr.Ross came back in and took Dan's bleeding arms in her own. He heard Phil wince as he saw the cuts Dan had made in his arms. He had made more and had gone deeper then he first thought.
"You've been very silly Daniel, go to sleep." Dr.Ross said as she cleaned up his arms, but he shook his head lazily on Phil's chest. "Phil, close his eyes." He didn't understand what she said until he felt Phil's fingers closing his lids. He couldn't move or see but he could still hear. Phil felt his body go limp.
"Is it bad?" Phil asked worried looking at Dan's angelic face to his damaged arms.
"Not really, I've seen people use their nails in here before but teeth is a new one" she replied still cleaning up the blood that took up most of Dan's arms.
"He told me it was cause he missed me." Phil said quietly. He couldn't help but feel partially responsible for Dan's actions.
"He's been very stupid Dan has, he shouldn't have done it, he was doing quite well mentally too."
"He's never self harmed before." Phil said looking at Dan's chest rising and falling as he slept.
"I don't suspect he has Phil, there's no scaring or cuts from previous harming sessions"
"Why do people self harm?" Phil asked genuinely concerned as he watched Dr.Ross carefully bandage one of Dan's arms. He stirred ever so slightly as he felt the bandage being put over his cuts. Phil watched as he frowned slightly but then went back to a blank expression. Dr.Ross then moved on to bandaging his other wrist.
"Some enjoy the pain, some do it as a way of expressing pain, some do it to release their emotions and some do it because they feel there's no other way. There's many different reasons." she answered.
"...ow." Dan said quietly in his sleep as he moved his head higher onto Phil's chest feeling the other bandage being put on his other arm. Dr.Ross sighed. Phil continued to run his hand through Dan's hair.
"He's so stupid." Phil mumbled as he put his free arms tightly around Dan's waist.
"I have to bandage his fingers as well now to stop him from doing it again." she said taking Dan's left hand back in her own and starting to bandage his fingers tips.
"What about his teeth?" Phil asked concerned frowning slightly.
"He'll struggle to get the bandages off with his covered fingers, if he managed it then we'll do something about it." she said bandaging his pinky finger. She felt Dan pull weakly in his sleep. Sighing she let go of his arm. "You're right, he is stupid."
A few moments later Phil was putting his boyfriend back on the bed.
"I'm wondering whether we should put the restraints on or not." Dr.Ross said quietly to herself.
"I say yes, you have no idea how skillful Dan is when it comes to getting things off him." Phil replied as he looked at Dan's arms. His beautiful arms, now covered with cuts and potential scars.
"Okay" Dr.Ross said pulling the belt over from one side of the mattress to the other and tying it down tightly. Dan groaned quietly. Then she moved on and tied down his feet. Standing back she looked at him. Phil looked at his chest as it moved up and down and then at his face. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed in and out and his eyes remained closed.
"How long do you reckon he has left in here now?" Phil asked
"I'd say about 2 weeks after that incident." she replied. "Restraints come off whenever really."
"Let's go" Phil said smiling slightly as he walked out with Dr.Ross behind him. Dan heard the door lock, realizing there was nothing left to hear was when he let himself sleep.
    Returning to present day Dan continued staring blankly at the camera above his bed. He still had to fight the urge to rip off all the bandages and start hurting himself again, but he knew that would only mean more time in this damn place. He had 2 days left in there. He had been asleep for 2 days from the sedation and when he woke up he was still tied down, he spent the entirety of the day staring at the camera picturing who was sitting behind it. Most of the time it was Phil, sometimes it was Dr.Ross. Now though it was Phil, he could feel his emotions again. The fact that he could now picture people at the time if he thought hard enough made things slightly better in there. He could see Phil staring back at him, frowning slightly, willing for Dan to do something apart from lie there and blink, but Dan did nothing. He then tried to picture what Dr.Ross was doing. Finally he got through and saw she was in the place. He immediately stopped looking, he didn't want to know what was in there. He moved onto the four friends he had made there. He suddenly saw 3 of them in the rec room.
"I miss Dan." Julia sighed sitting back. "Where's Chris?"
"I'm here." Chris said, but instead of gloomy like Phil had said, he looked shocked.
"What's wrong Chris?" Roberto asked sitting forward.
"I just heard something I wasn't supposed to hear." Chris said looking directly at Roberto. All facial expressions told him to carry on. "Daniel started self harming in the cell, like badly, he used his teeth and fingernails. Then when they tried to make him go to sleep he started fighting. Phil had to hold him down. When they finally did inject him they saw he had badly cut his arms. Everyone's having a meeting in the place about whether Daniel should go there or not. From what I heard, there's more people saying yes than no. I took a walk and strolled past the place. I looked briefly in a window and saw Dr.Ross standing in a room looking at a door. You know I have weird eyesight, there was a sign on the door and I managed to read it." Chris paused to look at the three. They were all looking wide eyed at him.
"What did it say?" Mike asked quietly, although they all knew the answer.
"Daniel James Howell, Schizophrenia." Chris replied "Dr.Ross saw me and started walking out to talk to me but I ran here. I knew you'd all be here. I heard her calling my name but I didn't stop." he put his head in his hands. That was exactly when Dr.Ross came in and sat down with them all.
"It's not definite you know, I don't want him put in there, but he may end up in there, it depends what the rest of them say." she said softly.
"Then why's his name on the door?" Julia asked looking up from the floor.
"Just in case. He still has 2 days left in the cell. He'll be coming back here for a while even if he does get put in there anyway."
Dan snapped back to reality. Panic rose in his chest. He wish he hadn't seen what he saw, but he had also seen the sign on the door through Chris. He had seen his full name written there and his condition. How many other people in Oak Tree were called Daniel James Howell and had schizophrenia? None, it was just him. He was going to the place.
He knew he was.
He would never have a group therapy again.
He never speak to Chris, Julia, Mike or Roberto the same again.
He would be going to the place where the screams came from.
And it terrified him.