Title: Finding You.
Rating: 12+? idk.
Warnings: Mental Illness. Strong Language. Mild Violence.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dan nor Phil and none of this ever happened in real life.
Author's Note: this is a sort of sequel to 'Care.' this eventually turned into a series, links to all parts are in the description.
Summary: In the middle of an argument between Phil and his mother, Dan runs away, people start to worry when they can't find him after 2 weeks, but things don't look much better when Phil finds him.
"Yeah well maybe if you weren't away at work all the time you'd know what was happening in mine and his life!" I shouted at my mother. We were arguing after Dan said he was hungry. How did it get from that to this you may wonder? Basically Mum was getting called away at work lately, and with a 23 year old and an 18 year old with special needs being left alone in the house both having no idea how to cook it doesn't go down well. She couldn't pull the 'Get a Job' card on me cause I have one, so I pay the bills, board and lodge etc and I don't stay in the house all the time, I go out to work and in my free time I either go out with my own friends or take Dan out, when it comes to 'Getting my own house', Mum doesn't mind me staying here because the houses where we live aren't in the best of shape. Anyway we didn't know how to make food and when Mum came home she asked Dan if he'd had food to which he replied no. Then she stormed upstairs and said how I should have made him something, and one thing led to another.
"Well I don't know about you but I'm trying to get money so Dan can stay here, it's not very fun having to pay for 2 people you know!" she screamed
"Oh really? Yeah that's so the truth since last week you were telling me how good things were going money wise, and then the next day you're hinting you want some fucking money from me!" I scoffed.
"Oh grow up Phil." she hissed and stormed out. I flopped onto my bed and sighed. My throat hurt after shouting for one hour and a half and I was tired, but before I could sleep my bedroom door burst open again and Mum was there panting.
"Have you seen Dan?" she asked. I frowned.
"I've been up here shouting at you for one hour and a half, I-" I stopped. I thought I heard someone running out of the house and slamming the door about half an hour into the argument.
"Phil what is it?" Mum asked worried.
"Oh my god. Mum he's ran off! I heard him run out about one hour ago but I didn't know it was him!" I cried. I didn't wait for a reply. I grabbed my jacket from the chair and ran out of the house to look for him.
I came back about 5 hours later without Dan. I couldn't find him. I opened the door and saw Mum sitting there. She stood up when I walked in but when I shook my head she started crying. I sighed and hugged her as she sobbed into my chest. I didn't care about that argument earlier, all I cared about was Dan and how he was out there somewhere alone. Mum phoned the police and explained what happened, but not even they could find him. I looked down lanes, streets, asked people if they'd seen him but nobody knew where he'd gone. He could be dead already. After all he couldn't even look after himself in a house full of food and water when his parents abandoned him.
It took 2 weeks to find him. In those 2 weeks everyone had tried looking for him, his picture was all over the town, T.V adverts were aired and we did everything to find him and bring him home, but nobody seemed to know where he was. Exactly 2 weeks after Dan had run off I went for a walk to clear my head. I'd only walked for about 5 minutes until something caught my eye. In a lane not far from my house a gang was beating the shit out of someone on the floor. I was about to do something until one of the gang members saw me looking. They moved out of the way and I got a good look at the person on the floor, but gasped at what I saw.
It was Dan.
"Dan!" I shouted. One of the gang members gave him one last hard kick to the head then they all sprinted down the lane. No not his head. Why out of every body part did they have to kick his head. I ran towards him and bent down. I was surprised when I saw his eyes were still open slightly. I pulled him onto my lap and looked at him. He had many cuts and bruises covering his entire body, his lip was split, he was covered from head to toe in dirt and other horrible things, he'd pissed himself again, and his head was bleeding from where they had kicked it. But the thing that caught my attention the most was how skinny he was. His clothes hung off him and it was like holding a skeleton with a cover over it. I could see his ribs clearly and count them, his arms and legs were like sticks and his face was basically his skull with skin that wasn't doing it's job right over it. I knew he wouldn't have eaten, which means he wouldn't have drank either.
"Oh my god, this can't be happening, oh jesus fucking christ." I whispered. Dan's eyes were dull and full of tears that were waiting to fall and tear stains were still on his face.
"Can you move?" I asked. He took about 6 seconds to shake his head slightly. "That's fine, I'm going to take you home, and then me and Mum will call people who can help you okay? Don't be scared of them cause they're just going to help you." Slowly with both my hands gripped around Dan's fragile frame, I stood up. He pushed his head into my chest and I started walking back to our house. I would run but I knew that would hurt him even more. I tried to keep my eyes on where I was walking but I couldn't help but look at Dan. He was still awake every time I looked, I knew if I closed his eyes he'd fall asleep but if I did I didn't know if he'd wake up again. What felt like an eternity later I was finally at our front door. I couldn't open it otherwise I'd drop Dan, so I kicked it with my foot 3 times. Mum answered and I pushed past her.
"Who the bloody hell is that?" she gasped.
"It's Dan. He was being attacked when I found him in the alleyway." I replied quickly and gently laid him down on the couch. He let out a small groan and I realized there was probably injuries on his back as well. Mum rushed over to him while I grabbed the phone and called an ambulance.
999 what's your emergency?
"Hi my friend's been starving to death for the past 2 weeks, he's also just been attacked in an alleyway and I just found him in the same alleyway."
I don't suppose you mean Dan Howell?
"Yes I found Dan Howell."
Who is this please?
"Phil, Phil Lester, his brother."
Give me your address please and I'll send help right away.
It seemed like forever until the ambulance turned up. Dan started drifting in and out of consciousness by the time they knocked the door. He was awake when they walked in, but about 2 minutes in he passed out again and they couldn't wake him up. I could only watch as they put him on a stretcher and put him in the back of the ambulance. They said me and Mum weren't allowed to go with him because things weren't looking too good in his mental and physical state. We sat in the living room and waited for the phone to ring to let us know that hopefully Dan was fine and that he'd make a full recovery. The T.V was on but neither of us were watching it, we were both watching the phone and when it finally rang we both went to grab it, I got it first.
Hi is this Phil Lester or Miss.Lester?
"Yes it's Phil."
You can come and see Dan now.
“We’ll be there in a minute.”
Mum said I should go in to see Dan instead of her when we got to hospital. He was in intensive care and he was only allowed one visitor at a time in his room. I hugged Mum before pushing the door to Dan’s room open and walked in. As his doctor said he was completely unconscious, half because he was missing for 2 weeks, the other half because of the painkillers he was on. He had a tube down his throat that was helping him breath, a peg-thing on his index finger that led up to a machine monitoring his heart beat, he was on a drip that was supplying him with painkillers, 2 pads were on the sides of his head that connected to a machine that I had no idea what it was for and a small tube was running into his stomach that was feeding him. I sat down in the chair next to his bed and took his hand in mine. It was limp and I had to be careful not to touch the wires going into it.
“Dan it’s time to wake up now, please wake up, you can’t sleep forever.” I said holding back tears. I hated seeing him like this especially since it was my fault. He looked so small in the big hospital bed and I just wanted to pick him up and take him home, but I couldn't or he’d die. His doctor said he wouldn't wake up for another few hours, and when he did I wasn't allowed to hug him or I could break his bones from how skinny he was. I was only allowed to hold his hand and I had to ignore the voice in my head saying 'take him home, he shouldn't be here take him home Phil.'
I sat by his bedside for 6 hours just waiting for him to show any sign of life. Nurses kept coming in to change his position. They said he'd get bed pains otherwise, so I just nodded and pretended I knew what they were on about, but I had to stop myself from shouting at them for touching him, he looked like he would break at the smallest touch, but 6 hours of just sitting there doing nothing or playing with Dan's hand later he started waking up. I was resting my hand on my cheek when I heard a small groan coming from Dan's bed. I turned and saw he was definitely going to wake up and I didn't really know what to do, but thankfully for me a nurse walked in and saw him. She walked over and took his face in both her hands.
"Open your eyes sweetie." she said. I saw Dan frown and he let out a small cry of pain. I watched as his eyes moved quickly beneath his lids as he desperately tried to wake up. I squeezed his hand gently to let him know I was there. It was only then I noticed a bandage on the back on his head from where he had been kicked. I forced myself to look away from it and to look at Dan.
"Dan wake up, please wake up." I said softly. It took a while but eventually his eyes slowly opened and he started looking around the room.
"Can you move anything?" the nurse asked nicely, Dan just stared at her and answered her with his eyes. Nope. She smiled at him and turned his head so he was facing me. At first his eyes were plain and dull, but when he saw me they widened and there was a slight spark in them.
"Hey." I smiled. He just stared at me until a jolt of pain from somewhere in his body made him yelp. The nurse frowned and walked out leaving just me and Dan.
"Dan do you know where you are? Look left for yes, keep looking at me for no." I asked. He kept looking. Nope.
"Do you know what happened?" He looked left and and then looked back at me. "Does that mean kind of?"
"Are you scared?"
"Dan you're in hospital." I said, maybe that was the wrong thing to say since what happened afterwards. I'm kind of glad the nurse walked in at that point cause it happened shortly after she did. She was just checking that all the machines were working when we both noticed his heart rate started speeding up and quickly, then she noticed something was wrong on the machine connected to his brain and she turned his head so he was looking at her.
"Dan calm down honey, calm down I need to explain something to you." she said. "Phil can you let go of his hand and go stand in the corner please?" I was confused but I did as I was asked and noticed the twitching in his hand. "Dan you're about to have a fit. You'll be fine though okay? It's nothing to worry about, do you know what a fit is?" she asked. He kept looking at her and I noticed his breathing started getting heavier and quicker.
"If he keeps looking at you that means no." I said from the corner. I knew what a fit was, and I didn't want to watch Dan having one but I felt it would be rude to just leave.
"You're not gonna have control of your body for a little while okay? That's all you'll be fine." she made it seem so much better then it was. Slowly she pulled the bed covers away from him and she took the medical equipment away from him. By this time the twitching in his hand had spread to his entire body. It happened so quickly. One minute he was just twitching on the bed and then his body was jerking violently in all directions. I covered my mouth and just watched helplessly as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he continued to have a seizure. His back kept arching upwards only to slam back down onto the mattress all the time and his head kept lifting up and down. It stopped about 7 minutes after it started. He slowly went limp and he was gasping for air. The nurse quickly put the tube back in his throat and started hooking him back up to the other machines while I put the bed covers back over him. I sat back down and took his shaking hand in mine. The wires were already back in it so I had to be careful again not to budge them. The nurse left and Dan looked at me from the corner of his eye.
"Go to sleep Dan, you'll feel better when you wake up." I whispered and leaned over to stroke his hair. He drifted back off to sleep a few minutes later.
2 months later Dan was allowed back home. The thing that bothered me most was that he was fine a month after the attack, but because the argument between me and Mum made him run off in the first place, we had to be re-assessed by a social worker, so Dan was taken to the mental ward for a month. I remember being told where he was, I was so pissed off, when I went to go see him he was lying on his side on the bed hugging the sheets with his eyes squeezed shut, they snapped open though when he heard me sit down.
"Wanna go home Philly, home?" he asked as I took his hand. He was still on drugs for the pain in his head and more drugs to keep him calm.
"Soon Dan I promise." I said and squeezed his hand.
I was also annoyed at Mum, on the day Dan was supposed to be coming home she got called away at work and asked me to go pick him up.
"But I can't drive and he can't exactly walk home." I said not bothering to hide the annoyance in my voice.
"Take a taxi then, just please Phil go pick him up!" she sighed before leaving. I did pick him up. I walked to the hospital and took the elevator to the mental ward. I saw Dan straight away. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed in his own clothes staring at nothing with his dinosaur in his lap.
"Dan it's time to go home." I said shaking his arm. He looked confused for a minute but when he realized who I was he flung his arms around me and hugged me tightly.
"I knew you'd come for me, all the other patients didn't believe me but I knew you'd come back for me Philly." he said. I smiled and ran my hand through his hair. I had been told before I came here he was still on drugs, so I wasn't surprised when he almost fell when he stood up. I put my arm around his waist and walked him out of the hospital and out onto the street. I called a taxi and after many attempts I managed to get me and Dan in. His head was on my shoulder and his eyes were barely open.
"Don't fall asleep we're almost there." I whispered. When the taxi pulled up outside the house it was difficult getting him out as now he could hardly walk. When I did eventually get him out I thanked the taxi driver and paid him extra. I turned to face Dan and saw he was swaying from side to side on the spot. I gently slid my arm back around his waist and helped him up the steps into the house. When we walked in he eyed the couch and pointed lazily to it.
"Do you not want to go to bed Dan?" I asked.
"I don't want to be away from you." he slurred. I smiled, led him over to the couch and laid him down. I sat down on the floor next to it and went on my laptop. About 10 minutes later I felt something grab and pull at my hand. I jumped and saw Dan was attempting to pull my hand towards the couch but he was too weak. I moved it so that it was on the couch and he slowly pulled it under his head. I felt his hair brush against my fingers but mainly the warmth of his cheek on my hand. He fell asleep exactly like that and I had to scroll through tumblr with one hand cause I didn't have the heart to pull my hand away.
Let's just say Mum came home to one boy sleeping on the couch looking comfortable and one asleep on the floor with his hand still under the other ones head.