Phan - An Obsession with Perfection. [4]

Title: An Obsession with Perfection
Author: ~Gerards21Guns
Pairing: Phan
Rating: 12+? idk.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dan nor Phil and none of this ever happened in real life.
Summary: Dan has been at the mental hospital for 4 years now. He's there for being Bipolar and having severe OCD, but he's always had this obsession with perfection. However, Dan's life changes forever when Dan meets the mysterious Phil Lester.

Phil's POV
    Things were lonely around the institute without Dan. Sure, I'd only known him for a month, but he let me stay with him and he tried to talk to me. I kinda hoped the drugs would have worn off by the morning and he'd have woken up, but he didn't. Lindsey came in that morning and woke me up, then she tried waking up Dan but he didn't even stir. A few other nurses came in to see if he was okay and that he was just sleeping. When they had decided he was fine they left.
"You going down to breakfast Phil?" Lindsey asked me kindly. I shook my head. "Alexis is ill today, so I'll be your nurse for the day, if you need anything just use Dan's caller." she smiled at me then left.
    Dan woke up at around about 1pm. I was watching the T.V when I heard his voice from my left.
"Oh, I'm tied down, that's always fun." I turned my head and saw his eyes were open.
"Nice to see you've woken up." I said sarcastically
"Get Lindsey, I want to move around." he replied.
"Don't shout at her or you'll just end up being sedated again." I warned him.
"I'm aware of that fact my dear Phil." I stood up and picked up his caller. A few moments later Lindsey walked back in.
"Hey Dan, How you feeling?" she smiled at him, but he just threw her a dirty look. She undid the restraints and he immediately sat up and stretched.
"I can still feel that tube down my throat you know." he told her. She looked at him apologetically.
"I am sorry Dan." she sighed
"For what, putting me in solitary for a fucking month or force feeding me?" he hissed
"Dan." I once again warned from my bed.
"I didn't want to force feed you, but they made me, don't hold a grudge." she replied
"Or what?"
"Or I'll take away every single book you've ever owned and you'll never see another one again."
"Lindsey I love you I could never hold a grudge against you baby."
"That's what I thought." Lindsey smiled at him.
"For the record it really wasn't her idea." I butted in. Dan stretched again.
"Call me if you need anything." Lindsey said as she walked out.

Dan's POV
     "So, what did you do while I was in solitary?" I asked Phil. He suddenly became embarrassed and pretended he didn't hear me. "Phil answer me."
"I...I waited for you to get back." he mumbled. I smiled, he really was perfect.
"You must have done something else." I questioned
"I read The Fault in our Stars I hope you don't mind." he said looking up.
"Of course I don't...Phil!" I looked at Phil's eyes and saw he was crying. Without hesitation I got up from my bed and held him. I let him cry into my chest for awhile until I asked him.
"What's wrong Phil?" I said softly. I didn't care if I'd only known the boy for a month, I cared for him.
"Dan I remembered." he sobbed
"What did you remember?" I asked
"Why mum ran away, I remembered what I did." he cried. Lindsey walked in and saw Phil crying.
"Phil can you come with me a minute?" she said kindly
"Can I go with him?" I asked
"I'll speak to you after Dan I promise." she smiled slightly at me. Phil stood up from his bed and followed Lindsey out. I spent the next hour waiting for Phil to get back by reading Looking for Alaska. I had just started Paper Towns for the seventh time when he walked back in and Lindsey was standing behind him. He was hugging himself and his eyes were red and puffy.
"Dan come on." she said. I got up and followed her down the hall to her office. Well, not office. Office sounds so formal and serious. Lindsey's office was far from any of those. It looked more like a living room. It had a couch, a t.v, bean bags, food, books and paintings. At first I thought it was to get the person in there with her to talk, but then I found out I was her only patient and she told me it was for her own benefit. She opened the door and I immediately ran over to the bookshelf, it was rare that I got to go to Lindsey's office and I always left with a book I haven't read.
"Dan can you sit down for a minute?" she asked with an unusually soft voice. I gave her a weird look and sat down next to her. "I need to tell you about Phil and well...about you. Phil told me it was fine for me to tell you, and about you, Dan do you remember your life before you came here?"
"Some of it but not the important parts." I said hesitantly.
"I'll start with Phil, it took awhile to get him to tell me. He kept asking for you, but I told him I couldn't because I had to tell you something else as well. As you know Phil as psychosis, he kind of has it under control now, but before he didn't. He used to believe that a girl called Hayley existed and followed him. She would say horrible things to him, so he started self harming, if you look at his arms the scars go all the way up to his shoulders. When his parents found out they said they'd support him. Then he was diagnosed with psychosis. He refused to accept it and cut himself even more. One night he was having a breakdown while his parents were asleep. Hayley turned up and told him to kill himself. His parents heard something coming from his room, they ran in and he was hanging from the roof. He died but the ambulance managed to bring him back. He was in intensive care for 2 months because he couldn't breathe by himself. He woke up but they kept having to sedate him cause he kept having breakdowns. He eventually went into a coma, nobody knew why, they did tests but nothing showed up. He woke up 3 years later, stayed with his parents for another year until his mother couldn't cope with his breakdowns anymore and she ran, leaving his father by himself with Phil. His father blamed Phil and started beating him. Phil started cutting himself again. Soon after the guilt came over his father and he apologized and promised to be a good dad, but Phil feared him. The institute was called that night because Phil was standing on the roof of their house and threatened to jump off. That's when we took him here."
I didn't even realize I was crying. I hastily wiped away the tears and took a deep breath.
"Does he still want to die?" I asked preparing myself for the worst
"No, but I know he hasn't told you. When you were in solitary I was his nurse because Alexis was on honeymoon. I walked in to check in on him and he was cutting himself with a broken pencil sharpener. He was restrained and sedated for 3 days because every time he woke up he'd still try to hurt himself."
"I could have stopped it." I said angrily. The anger was at myself.
"No you couldn't Dan, it's not your fault you had a breakdown." she said softly
"If I hadn't ran off I wouldn't have been put in solitary therefore I could have helped him and stopped him hurting himself."
"You still would have broke down in the middle of town meaning yes, you still would have been put in solitary"
"I feel so stupid." I said wiping away the tears again. I couldn't help but blame myself.
"You shouldn't, now Dan, what I'm about to tell you about you, it will affect you..." she said slowly.
"Throw it at me, it can't be worse then what you just told me about Phil." I sighed.
"I'm gonna say things you know, but also you don't. When you were 10, you were diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after your mum became worried over your constant mood swings. Your mother could handle it unlike Phil's as she knew what to do. You were given pills for it and you automatically showed an improvement, but when you were 16, you convinced yourself that you were better, so you stopped taking them. Your mother didn't notice the change until it was too late. You had been off them for 4 months when she noticed. You were 17 when you ran off after having a depressive episode. You ran to a cliff side. Police and an ambulance tried to get you to come back but you jumped and drowned. Paramedics brought you back but you were on life-support for 6 months. You were still unconscious when you came off it. Just like Phil you were in a coma, but 2 years later you woke up and went home. Your mother came in to check on you one night and you were sleeping, she saw your arms and saw your scars. She called us. You were awake when we came to get you, the funny thing is your brain seemed to forget everything past 10 years old up until that moment when we came to get you. You screamed and kicked and panicked. Your mother ran off with a man a few months later."
"I tried to kill myself?" I was shocked. Beyond shocked. I still don't remember it to this day.
"Yes, do you remember now Dan?" she asked kindly, but I shook my head.
"So that's my past huh?" I said, my bottom lip trembled but I refused to cry. She nodded and that's when I broke. Lindsey reached over and held me as I sobbed into her chest. I cried for a good 30 minutes until I went back to mine and Phil's room. When I opened the door I was greeted by a tight hug.
"Hi there." I laughed as I hugged him back.
"Hello." Phil replied as he hid his face in my shoulder.
"Phil?"
"Hmm?"
"You can tell me anything and I won't tell anyone, you know that don't you?"
"I do now."
"Good."
"Dan?"
"Yes?"
"Please tell me if something's wrong. Like, ever."
"I will."
"Promise?"
"I promise."